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In other words: Rather, gay sex is more like firing up your PlayStation and playing Fallout 4. To limit oneself to just a single flavor is to shut out a smorgasbord of new experiences.

The Gay Man's Good Sex Guide

Of course, culturally and historically, gay men have been narrowed down where the act of sex itself defines us. But really, if we minimize anal sex and place it on the same shelf as oral or masturbation, how much pressure would that alleviate? Personally, I found the guiding cultural nudge towards anal sex immensely stressful that it diminished the joyous faucets of sexual expression.


The Man Manual - men's health made easy in print. Together we can change that. Our online community. Most gay men will consider bottoming at some time.

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However, the thought of doing it for the first time can be scary. Use plain, clean water, preferably at body temperature. Avoid using shower attachments - the water pressure can be dangerous. You can get douche bulbs online or from any good sex shop. Try not to go overboard and irritate the lining of your arse, as this can make you more vulnerable to STIs. Get yourself relaxed with lots of foreplay like rimming or fingering.

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Some men do use amyl nitrate poppers to relax the muscles around their arse but there are two major health warnings. Any position where your knees are bent and drawn into your chest, whether you are kneeling, lying on your back or on your side, will probably lead to more comfortable sex, or will be a good position to start from. Use water- or silicone-based lubricants if you're using latex condoms. Avoid any lube with nonoxynol It irritates the lining of the arse, may make sex more painful and also increases your risk of HIV.

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Look after your arse. You can't get a new one.

Sex Work Decriminalization Makes Sex Workers Safer

So know your limits. With time you may be able to take larger objects but there's always a maximum size: Take your time and listen to your partner. This is as much about the emotional as the physical side. Find out what he likes. Ask him how he likes it. Listen to his reactions too. The first time you top, you may be a little anxious. This may make your erection less hard than usual.

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Relax — you're both there to enjoy yourselves. If you have erection problems, concentrate on something else like kissing for a while. If getting or staying hard is a regular problem, see our section on ED on page 6. Our advice above on lubes and position apply as much to tops as to bottoms. Lube is essential when topping. Anal mucus can carry high concentrations of HIV, and the membrane just inside the tip of your cock and the foreskin can absorb that directly into the bloodstream if you fuck a guy's arse without a condom. You know the solution.

Rubber up. Substances like steroids can also cause the prostate to enlarge. Don't put sex before safety.

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Trust your instinct about where and what isn't safe. Carry condoms and lube.

If bottoming, you might want to put the condom on the top yourself. Most men experience some symptoms around two to six weeks after infection such as a sore throat, fever, body aches or rash. These symptoms are common to other illnesses and many people do not realise they could be a sign of HIV infection. There is no cure but, if you are diagnosed with HIV and treated, you should have a normal life expectancy. HIV lives in the blood and in some body fluids.

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